Singing Her Truth: Zara Zulfiqar Mannan’s Musical Odyssey

Zara Zulfiqar Mannan’s journey from a passionate educator to a devoted pop artist is a testament to her unwavering pursuit of truth, love, and self-expression. Her music, rooted in a celebration of the Feminine and a rejection of colonial constructs, is more than just catchy melodies; it's a powerful message of empowerment and defiance. With her upcoming album "Raah e Ishq," she aims to communicate her spiritual experiences with the Feminine to a Pakistani audience, making her message less about herself and more about the path of love. Join us as we explore the inspirations, transformations, and profound beliefs that fuel Zara's artistic and personal journey.

 

When Zara was in 3rd grade, she stumbled upon Atif Aslam’s album “Meri Kahani" in an unassuming music store, where she had gone to buy her first ever guitar. It was like a revelation for her, igniting a dream,

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“I gave it a listen, and the only thing I could think about afterwards or even say, was keh I wanna be a singer when i grow up.”

 

Bollywood pop music also played a significant role in her formative years. “I remember I used to sing the “Main Hoon Na” title-track a lot.” The vibrant tune became a backdrop to her life, “like a big, musical companion.”

In eighth grade, Zara was introduced to Western pop, particularly Lady Gaga. The album "The Fame Monster" unveiled a new level of intellectual depth in music to her, where each song embodied a different "fame monster" with profound socio-political and socio-emotional implications. This revelation showed her what a powerful medium of communication of messages pop music can be, “That was like a breakthrough for me like- oh! pop music matters to me because it matters to my heart in all these deep manners,” kindling within her a passion for musical theatre as well.

 

She attributes her current irreverent musical persona to Faris Shafi.

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She smiles and says, “In O3 we had already started being delinquents.

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With my best friend Hamis, who was learning how to drive a car (and his parents didn't know he was practising with his driver,) I went all the way to Outpost BYOB, this restaurant in DHA phase 6, aur hum wapis aa rahay thay and we listened to “Muskara'' by Faris Shafi. And I just remember the exact feeling when I listened to that song- I was like wow no one’s ever said 

the truth about this country and its society this beautifully. Bachpan mein aapko bohat pata

hota hai na, sahi kya hai, ghalat kya hai.”

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In her musical journey, these influences are not fleeting but continue to breathe life into her art, to this day.

 

Zara attributes her strong sense of individuality to her upbringing, coming to terms with her identity as queer at a young age, and the unwavering confidence instilled in her by her mother. Growing up, she knew she didn't want to conform to the norm, she says “I remember there’s this Aitchisonian ritual when you're young, and some old timey Aitchisonian instructor is teaching you, and asks you, ‘are you going to be a typical Aitchisonian or an extraordinary one?’ The big gag is you’re supposed to say I wanna be a typical Aitchisonian and have a lot of pride in that. I remember to my 6 year old brain, it was inconceivable to admit or say keh I desire to be typical like…over my dead body! So even though all of my cousins had trained me to say typical, meray moun say hi nahi nikala. and I said I wanna be an extraordinary Aitchisonian!”

 

Although she began with a strong personal style as a budding musician, she later sought to broaden her skills to imitate different artists. This desire to emulate others introduced new challenges and perspectives to her creative process. She now emphasises on the importance of artists within communities and their need to engage with other artists. For her, art as an ongoing conversation, a sentiment that inspires her to not only express her unique style but also connect with artists globally. For her upcoming album, “Raah-e-Ishq,” she is dedicating a significant effort to learning more about music, not just lyrically, but also as a music producer. This evolution is transforming her approach, and encouraging her to delve deeper into the soundscape and its communicative power.

 

When asked what qualifies as a good performance in her opinion she said, "I think it's kind of easy to give a good performance and kind of complicated to give a bad performance-” Zara unwaveringly affirmed that performances in fact can be classified as good or bad,  especially based on their honesty. In music, the notion of "wrong notes" is subjective, and in more complex melodies, such notes can add texture. On the other hand, sincerity is crucial in distinguishing a memorable performance from a forgettable one. Even if a few notes are off-key, an honest performance will always leave a lasting impact. In contrast, performances driven solely by the desire to impress often lack sincerity, which makes them easily forgettable.
She also mentioned that industrial pressures on established artists is one of the key reasons behind insincere performances, while emerging artists, often labelled as "wannabes" or "try-hards," can shine by simply maintaining being themselves on stage. 

She also introduced the concept of effort into her criticism, stating that low-effort performances, combined with insincerity, are unbearable. For her, the ideal performance strikes a balance between effort and sincerity, reflecting the artist's dedication to their craft and genuine expression. 

She stresses that the most exceptional songs come from moments of honesty, where the creative process feels natural. The process involves listening to music and letting the melody guide her thoughts.

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“I think especially recently, I’ve struggled a lot with the cynical realities of language.”

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For Zara, the potency of music is rooted in its ability to transcend the limitations of language. In a post-colonial context, language bears the weight of history and its complex connotations. Music, however, offers a more universal platform. It goes beyond the surface world of words, creating a multidimensional experience that communicates pure thought and emotion with a depth that written words often cannot reach. While acknowledging the limitations of the written word, she reflects on the publishing industry's tendencies where the essence of a piece can be diluted or lost between extensive edits. This stands in contrast to music, which, in her experience, is inherently collaborative and allows for a more additive process.

“Agar mein isko thora un-intellectualize karoun na, mujhe yaad hai bachpan mein I was depressed one day, and I remember some song on City FM 89 was so close to saving my actual goddamn life. And I just remember making myself a promise bachpan mein where i was like- i wanna save someone's life with a song because a song saved mine. And many songs over the years have saved my life. And I mean it with the intensity of literally from death, but also from decay.” 

Zara is drawn to music not just for its expressive qualities but also for the transformative experience of performing. She describes a profound connection to the stage, where inhibition fade away, and a swallowing sense of purpose takes over. The stage becomes a sanctuary where her calling is clear, free from self-doubt and insecurity.

 

Now, she has a single-minded focus on music, aspiring to be a pop star. Her desire is fueled by the profound connection and conviction she experiences when performing. She shares her newfound dedication to the world of music, marking a shift from a multi-role life, from a devoted Lahori school-teacher, to a musician captivated by the single-minded pursuit of her musical calling.

 

When asked how she maintains her love for her city and country despite all the atrocities and injustice within the system, she replies that focusing on what she has, rather than dwelling on what she lacks, positively affects her “brain chemistry” and overall well-being.

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Zara says she grew up in an environment where negativity and criticism towards Lahore and Pakistan were the norm. However, her growing political awareness led her to question this approach. She emphasises the importance of defending the city and the country, “Jo gaaliyan humare oppressors koh milni banti hain, woh hum becharay shehr ko kyun de rahe hain?”

 

“So it’s a little exciting being the underdog in that way- I don't think a lot of people come to Lahore's defence.”

 

She says that her love for Lahore is a way to externalise the abandonment she felt growing up, turning it into a vessel to love herself. She acknowledges that the violence and decay within the city mirror the personal struggles and tensions she faces. Her focus on Lahore's resilience is a reflection of her own. Her love for Lahore becomes a symbol of self-love and the hope for a brighter future, despite the years of abuse. “I think it's just a way to tell myself that ‘you're beautiful’ despite the violence and the decay, look at your trees, how they survive despite that smog.”

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She spills-, “For me to hope for a silver lining for Lahore is for me to hope for a silver lining for myself despite the years of abuse that we are children of.”

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Her celebration of Lahore is distinct from the celebrations held by the army or capitalists, instead holding dear a different aspect of the city's essence. Her perspective is ever evolving, highlighting that she cannot separate herself from the city so she herself must change it to love it, recognizing that her roots will always be a part of her identity.

 

Zara has been writing since the tender age of five, starting with English compositions and teenage fiction. Her journey as a writer has been prolific, culminating in completing an episodic story at 12, writing a novel at 13, and penning another at 17 before leaving for college. Her artistic journey encompasses both songwriting and poetry. Regarding music, she initially identified as an indie folk/pop singer-songwriter but has boldly embraced pop music as her genre of choice, with influences from rock and alt rock. This evolution highlights a shift in her sound.

 

“So what I'm creating is pop music, but it is experimental. It is new age enough that if it doesn't work, it will be alternative pop forever. But if it works then it will be kinda like Lady Gaga, if I do say so myself. Before Lady Gaga there was no music like Lady Gaga’s music, and then she redefined what pop music today is.”

 

She underscores that in the realm of songwriting, it's essential to set aside worldly ideas of what's considered good or bad, unique or sexy. The primary focus should always be on honesty, and that disingenuity will ultimately catch up to you. She also delves into the spiritual side of the process, describing moments where she feels the presence of a greater force, almost as if a divine entity is guiding her creation. Sincerity during performance shines through and can turn a simple recording into an aesthetic masterpiece.

 

Zara's journey from her older album "Alter/Native" to her upcoming album "Raah e Ishq" is a testament to her growth as an artist. "Alter/Native," her debut studio album, was a celebration of alternative and garage rock, with a hint of alt-indie music. The album's executively produced by a friend of hers from college, and reflects their shared love for alt-rock, from “My Chemical Romance” to punk and alternative rock.

"Raah e Ishq," on the other hand, marks a departure from the alternative rock vibe of "Alter/Native." It is a pure pop album that pays homage to her deep-rooted appreciation for Pakistani pop music. She wanted to create a musical journey through pop, incorporating influences from across the world. This album features elements of disco-era Pakistani pop music and even nods to the likes of Nazia Hassan and old Bollywood.

 

Zara's musical influences for "Raah e Ishq '' are diverse, drawing inspiration from artists like Lorde, Atif Aslam, and even Ali Zafar (before the latter's troubling allegations.) She wanted to create music that captured the essence of Ali Zafar's early work without the need for listeners to engage with him in his later years. Songs on "Raah e Ishq'' have musical nods to Ali Zafar's early sound, ensuring there's an alternative for those who cherish the nostalgia of it. She says it’s all about the “happy, loose, relaxed, artistic masculinity which is beautiful.”

 

Her "Zara" music video is a testament to artistic collaboration and a bold stand against colonial masculinity. It was conceived in collaboration with her friend Saneena, with a focus on conveying a message through art rather than commercial gain.

 

“Any of the clothes I'm wearing, they're only gendered if you think they are gendered. Actually toh us ke ander there's no gendered element; I'm not faking having boobs, my hair isn't long, I don't have a wig on. Like there is nothing that is trying to portray a binary idea of gender- it is colonial commentary. 

 

It’s for the smart ones, to understand how a colonial commentary is a gendered commentary.”

 

Zara's aspirations for "Raah e Ishq" go beyond personal expression. With this album, she aims to communicate her spiritual experiences to a Pakistani audience, making her message less about herself and more about the journey of "Raah e Ishq-” the path of love.

 

For her, "Raah e Ishq" is more than just a path; it's a way of life. It's about seeking the truth, even if it's uncomfortable. She shares that her experiences, including her infamous obscenity scandal (Unity, Faith, Disco,) have been pivotal in her journey. In her own words, "Everything that happened has been a part of Raah e Ishq."

“The concept and that idea (for Raah e Ishq) came from when I was stuck in that college counselling job, I went to Karachi once and yeah, it just hit me yaar, it was a month after my dad had passed away and it just hit me that I could be stuck here forever, and I just remember praying to god.”

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Zara's quest is rooted in a deep desire for Al-Haq- the divine truth.

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She's willing to receive the truth from God, no matter how painful it may be. It's about aligning herself with the divine, having unwavering faith that God is always with her, and that God's truth will guide her. It's a spiritual journey that transcends superficiality.Drawing inspiration from the saying that "Muhammad was the first sufi," her perception of her faith shifts. She sees the essence of Muhammad's teachings as deeply rooted in mysticism, and not fear. Her belief is that if you approach God sincerely, with a pure heart, God will be whatever you need God to be. She quotes a famous Sufi saying which says “Khuda kehta hai ke tum mujhe jaisa chaho ge, waisa paoge.”

The artist sees herself as a soldier on the path of love. She doesn't want to be trapped in a life that's merely adorned with pain. She is committed to God and to the Raah e Ishq. Her journey on the Raah e Ishq is a relentless pursuit of truth and love, and it holds a promising future that transcends borders and barriers. She recently had a dream performance in Lahore that required her to push her limits. At that time, she was teaching an early morning, 8 am, A-level, English Literature class (the interviewer can confirm this, as she was also present in all of these tedious early classes), which meant countless nights staying up in the studio and coming to class from there directly. Logistically, it was a collaborative effort. Her long-time collaborator and friend, Casey Odesser, was instrumental, handling video editing and lighting. Jahanzaib Aslam, her producer, managed live audio mixing, even adjusting and mixing the sound based on her performance, resulting in a flawless live experience.

 

For her, the Lahore show was more than just a concert; it was a dream come true. After a year of performing at Mystical Shayari, a scandal had shaken her confidence, it made her question whether Lahore would still show up for her. She recalls fearing that no one would attend the show.

 

The fact that it was a full house was a testament to her resilience. This show was a significant moment for her as an artist. It was her best performance till date because she sang with sincerity and conveyed beliefs she held dear.

 

Zara's connection with the audience, especially during the song "Kya Karun," was a surreal moment for her. “I didn't sing the last 2 choruses because everyone else was. So it was the best show ever,

 

It felt like Allah Miyan was tapping me on the back and was like babe, go get ‘em- what you're doing is worth something. Go get 'em.”

 

She remembers amusingly thinking on stage, "functionally speaking- I am Lady Gaga."

 

Saying goodbye to her teaching career was tough, as she had a deep bond with her students. However, it was the Lahore show that made her realise that she needed to fulfil her destiny as a pop star. In her own words,

“It was really hard for me to leave you guys, you know? Because you know how passionately I taught you guys. Even though 55 Main (a school she taught at) was a private school, I trusted your guys’ earnestness so much that there was never a day where I ditched you guys. And so it was really hard for me to quit. But it was because of that show where I was like yaar, even for these girlies, I must become the popstar I was meant to be, because that would be spillage of the nth degree!”

 

When reflecting upon the thematic concerns that are mostly explored in her music, like celebrating one's self, uplifting others and the human experience of yearning, she beautifully stated:

“I think it's an advocacy for the feminine. We live in a culture where the feminine is oppressed and repressed in so many ways. Joyland the movie is, I think, all about the repression of the femme, in Haider, in everyone. And so sure, it's an advocacy of myself but it's actually an advocacy of the feminine. That celebration, that irreverence. It's a celebration of that feminine which endures Pakistan and reminds Pakistan that our women are smarter than it. Our women

are smarter than our country's situation, this is a fact of matter. "

 

One of the things I used to repeat at 55 Main when I was teaching you guys was- you guys are literally the smartest people I've ever interacted with in my entire life. And still, the amount of 55 Main marketing i've done just by saying my girls were the smartest people I've interacted with over these past 3 years is astounding. So it is that, it is a celebration of the feminine, it is a celebration of my feminine soul.

 

And the yearning is simply because we live in a man's world. It is hard and even tragic to be a proud feminine soul in our world. But I also think it's divine, I also think it's very very important because I think it is truthful.”

 

There is a brilliant song on “Raah-e-Ishq” called “Yun Hi” that Zara had me hear. One of the main lines from it is “Sataya hai dil tujhe yun hi;” an idea of don't worry, “Rabb tumhare saath hai.”- and that's the message she wants to leave us with.

 

She says, “at the risk of sounding like a preacher, we must always do the right thing no matter what army is up in arms against us. And we must do it with the belief that God will be with the right thing. And that's the advice that I leave to everyone, ke again, do the right thing. And if you worry, look up to the sky at God and say please advise/supervise. And Alhamdulillah everything will work out. We are just a small metaphor for the whole world."

 

She ends the interview by saying, “It doesn't matter if 15 people are telling you you’re wrong. As long as your heart is in the right place and you're speaking the truth, it doesn't matter if 150 people are telling you that. Majority is not authority, majority often times is just majoritarianism.

And especially against femme souls. We live in a world where the feminine logic has been gaslit a lot, so like really the advice is, in a very 55 main teacher way, like girls-

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We cannot afford being incompetent!

We cannot afford being under confident!

We cannot afford not believing in ourselves!

That's the same advice I have for girls where I believe we know that our intelligence can save the world, and we must not gaslight ourselves and we must follow our intelligence.